This morning I had a profound religious experience that left Tracy and me having fits of giggles in the back pew of church. Thank heavens (yes, pun intended) that our new pastor at Plymouth Congregational has a sense of humor, because he saw the whole thing, and wondered why classical organ music from 18th century France was so amusing.
Here’s what happened…
During the service today I was experimenting with all the settings on my cochlear implant, because Tracy reminded me that our church has a built-in loop system that works with the T-coil setting on my implant. So sound goes from the microphones to the wires hidden around our church, and then the sounds are beamed out to anyone in the congregation with a T-switch in their hearing aid or cochlear implant. Like a previous experience at the movies (see the next post on this blog about that), I thought the T-coil setting worked ok…but not great. The sound was really quiet and still wasn’t very clear. There’s no way I could go to church without interpreters.
But the REALLY funny part of church came at the very end when our church fired up a newly-renovated organ, making this the first time I’ve heard organ music with my implant.
Have you ever looked at an optical illusion? If you relax your mind and your eyes, you see different things – like this famous one where you see two white faces in profile looking at each other, or you see a black vase/table thing in the center.
So I was sitting in church goofing around with the three settings on my implant, and suddenly I just sort of relaxed my mind and had an “auditory illusion” instead of an optical illusion. The sounds of the organ started sounding a bit like words. I immediately started cracking up and interpreting for Tracy, who then also started laughing.
- Organ plays low-pitched “BUUUUUUM” (I hear “MINNNNNNE!”)
- High-pitched “do do dee-dum” (I hear “WE ARE KEEP-ING”)
- Middle-toned “da da da” (I hear “SAN-TA-NA”)
- Fast “beh beh beh bah boh bah” (I hear “WHY? WHY? WHY? DON’T KNOW DON’T”)
So, I don’t know about your opinions of this, gentle readers, but obviously God is speaking to me through the organ, courtesy of my implant. Or maybe it’s angels. I would suspect saints, but we are UCC (United Church of Christ), and saints don’t show up all that often for protestants. And the UCC motto is “God is Still Speaking.”
Anyway, if you put it all together, the Holy Spirit was saying SANTANA MINE. WHY ARE WE KEEPING SANTANA? DON’T KNOW.
Well, goodness. I don’t know either. But obviously I should try listening to some Santana soon. Maybe Santana CDs are like old Beatles albums which, when played backwards, supposedly said “WE LOVE THE DEVIL” or “WORSHIP THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND” or whatever. Maybe the Santana albums, played forward through an implant, will say “YES, I SPOKE TO YOU THROUGH YOUR IMPLANT AND THE CHURCH ORGAN AND ASKED YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM BECAUSE IT’S ONE OF MY FAVES AND YOU ARE THREE DECADES BEHIND ON MUSIC AND ONLY REMEMBER THE OAKRIDGE BOYS, KAREN CARPENTER, AND AIR SUPPLY, WHICH IS NOT MY DIVINE WILL AND IS, LIKE, TOTALLY SAD.”
Of course, you’d think God would send me messages through print or interpreters, but we shall see…pray for me.